Writing Forever

I’m writing forever into my notebook,

using the letters of eterny;

crunching down on the keys of ever more,

I’m trying to picture it from shut eyes

but all I can see is a red blocked out version of daylight

This is not a smile, it’s a grimace,

I’m trying to hold the tears back

because I’m trying to illustrate forever from the fibre of my broken paint brush

But I can’t tame these hands,

Only if I could tame these hands

They wouldn’t shake every time the clock struck now

Only if I could stop ticking along to the second hand

but on second thought,

doesn’t the whole world revolve around second hand thoughts?

don’t we switch at a pendulum swing?

between the minute made smiles

and the hours you spend isolated underneath the islands of your eyelids

You could picture forever when you were alone but it felt so tedious

You could give its likeness to a police sketch artist

But all you’d eventually come up with is a blank page,

all negative space

because forever paints self portraits

And writes it’s own stories with us as supporting characters

While we’re too busy observing to live

We draw ourselves, drawing ourselves and call it life

Where do you hang yourself when the day strikes over?

All days spent on ruminating on failures and other sobering thoughts,
No more energy to fake normalcy
Just for emptying out the luggage that I carry with me,
But where do I hang it all when the day gives up?

They’ll hold your hunger against you and call it greed
When all they’ve ever fed you was the middle finger
They’ve armed you with an emergency number for when you need help
But they’re the ones who have burned down your farm just to sell you corn
So how low do you hang your head when the day loses form

Hope, you’re an eyesore
and I was so isolated
When I saw us
standing across each other in equal lengths like the sides of an isosceles
and what I wanted took shape in front me
but what fixture do I hang this light bulb from

You’re a half healed memory
Buried beneath a pendulous personality enamoured by it own purpose,
caught between pensive and laughing
Undecided even when you’re completely certain
So the pinky swears and cross my heart promises are useless
No matter how much you mean them when you make them
How can I hang on to your every word when I know they’re just lies (And if I did, I know that I’d be killing myself)

An thou shall have no others Gods before me
but the Gods in your head that you refer to as regrets
Keeping you up and feeding your insecurities like pets
Is that political propaganda disguised as religious literature
Trade your current situation for a little providence
Don’t mind the agnostics, they’re just convicts of common sense
Humpty Dumpty fell over while straddling the fence
So carefully choose which corner you want to hang your hat from

I want you to know this before the sunlight dresses the moon tonight
I know I’m too pretty to frown but weeds don’t need fertile soil to grow
So plant your seeds to feed the crows
Put pressure on the wound till the bleeding slows
While you stumble through my mind like a lame man walking on uneven snow
We’re so vain, trying to draw two parallels between beauty and worth
Trying to find evidence in our own existence by how many people stare
Whether they look down or up, it doesn’t matter cause they’re looking at us
When they see how much we shine, all they can do is hang their lips in disbelief.

Lastly, I didn’t mean to harm her
I’m a mistake farmer planting the future seeds of regret.
There must be a special hell for people like me
Who sever angel wings for fun and parade nephillim naked
But somewhere along the line, those bible pages became thinner than 1 ply toilet paper
I’m half man, half rusting scrap
I’d die but I don’t think that the void would take me back.
It’s funny how a person who was once your inbox, becomes your spam mail
but one man’s junk mail is another ones Russian bride
At least I know where to hang this noose when I get tired.