Thread bare tendons snapping back and forth like a can to can phone line in a tug of war.
I’m trying to get through to you by tip toeing on this unsteady connection.
Put away your shuffling dancing feet so I can talk to you for a moment.
Why must you insist on existing past me;
Rain dancing to the drums of a forgotten chest beat.
Heart beating so fast and full that it nearly shattered my rib cage.
Your dance brought my tears and my tears brought the flood.
Yesterday’s wounds weren’t properly scabbed over though I’m on the mend.
You still look at the words “I love you”, distrustfully, holding them in your hands awkwardly like they would poison you if they broke or as if to ask “What am I to do with this?”.
If I had to write a manual to accompany them, it would read “Love me back”…
Learn to advance your sense of worry, anxiety is only rational because she’ll say goodbye soon.
“For the night is dark and full of terrors”.
She walks through inner city Johannesburg, arms tightly mantled around her purse, legs briskly kicking herself forward and eyes intently dismissing and avoiding any eye contact. She knows that today could be the day that she gets robbed, raped, murdered or all of the above. She’s never in her life felt safe walking through Joburg alone.
He enters social situations with light tremors and twitches in his muscles. His palms are so hot and sweaty that they could be rented out as saunas for insects. He’s dyssemic around people because he feels like there’s always something socially expected of him and he’s caught between proving himself and uncertainty; a no man’s land – a purgatory for wall weeds. He knows that today could be the day that he is mocked, judged, alienated, criticised and what’s left of his self esteem killed off. He’s never felt safe walking through a discussion alone.
When home is not safe
We’re all looking for some type of safety, a concrete certainty; a financial, biological or social homeostasis… To risk is to go against human nature but how else do we prosper if not by going against the reasonability of our fears. The truth is we risk just to feel safe. We work for shelter, food and financial stability. We love and give just to know that there is a safety deposit box that we can invest our hearts in,even though there is a risk that that the returns will be terrible(unrequited). It’s a fucken scarey world and there are monsters waiting to tear you from limb to limb in every corner but you’re not living if you’re not gambling against a danger. Trapeze art and tightrope tiptoeing wouldn’t be as exciting without the grave possibility of death.
The city looks like a cardboard cut-out from here.
It looks like time sweated dust out from a collective cosmic desperation
And the city took a deep inhale of it like it was huffing on a giant cigarette
Then coughed it out into an explosion of giant dust clouds and particles.
It looks like God performed Seppuku and the city is one of her stiffened rotting entrails
If this city is not proof that God is dead then I don’t know what is….
How much do your thoughts weigh?
Do they have your head hanging chin to chest
or do they have you walking on clouds like your brains made of hot helium
Do they sink you when you swim
Or can we use your head as a flotation device
Does your neck strain to keep your head up
or are they so light that they can’t help but pull your lips up with them
Regrets are useless paper weights, keeping you from rising
When you look outside your dark black stain glass tinted eyes, you start to see
You spent so much time looking down that you thought the world was made out of shoes, feet and ground
Let go off your thoughts and watch them float off
Listen to the shouts turn into whispers
Let the negativity whimper
They say you have a stick up your ass, but you’re just thinking feather-light
When I ask you how heavy your thoughts are, you respond “Not heavy at all”
Seven billion lights
Seven billion unique paths
Shining all at once
Did I miss the light
Or did I drive right past you
Stopped till you turned green.